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LUCCA COUTURE TOP | HUDSON SKINNIES | DAINTY HOOLIGAN CHOKER | KENDRA SCOTT EARRINGS | ANTHROPOLOGIE CLUTCH | STEVE MADDEN HEELS | DAVID YURMAN BANGLE | DAVID YURMAN RING | LOREN HOPE CUFF
As much as I’m a true Texas girl, God made me for cooler weather. And when temperature drops to 82 degrees I go completely bonkers! Everything is better when you’re not melting your face off and you’re so sweaty your shirt is sticking to your back! I hope you’ve treated yourself to a pumpkin spice latte and have lit every single fall candle in your house. Lukas has had quite enough of my pumpkin cinnamon swirl candle and I think he better get used to it because he has about 6 weeks left of it 🙂
These past three weeks in my new apartment have been so exciting yet challenging at the same time. It’s left me a lot of time to reflect on my insecurities and have made me face them head on. Like my anxiety/depression. I talked about it in my last post and it’s something that I struggle with day to day. The more I’ve hidden what’s going on in my mind the more I want to share it with all of you – just to let you know that it’s not always swatching lipsticks and fancy brunch dates. I think it would be a disservice to all of you that read our blog if I wasn’t genuinely myself. I don’t let it define me; however, how can I write about my life and leave that out? Of course, having anxiety and depression you have a few bad days and it’s a lot tougher to deal with when you are in a new place. You’re still adjusting to the new and trying to put the best foot forward – the feeling is indescribable and really hard to explain. Trying to be fearless. Trying to not be scared. Trying to be happy. Trying to not be sad. I read this quote the other day and it couldn’t be more relatable for me:
“Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s caring about everything then caring about nothing. It’s feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.”
But you also have a lot of really good days and that’s what I’ve chosen to share with y’all in the past because it has allowed me to ignore the bad. I’ve also learned that that isn’t working for me and I’m working on finding something that does. I also want to thank you for allowing me to have this little corner of the world that I can vent to. If it’s one reader or 600, I hope someone feels the same way as I do and has been scared to be honest with yourself and the people you love because of judgement or disapproval. Having people supporting you through your recovery and road to a happier you is one of the best things I’ve done for myself. Not to mention a healthier relationship with my boyfriend. No one chooses to have anxiety and depression, but we can also choose what we do about it with people that love you by your side. So, that’s me lately!
AND JUST A CLARIFICATION. I really am loving my new place. I am just adjusting 🙂 I’m not sitting in the dark crying everyday!
Something else that I’ve learned about myself, I’m becoming quite fearless. I used to hate the sound of only me walking around and not being able to hear anything else. I used to not be able to eat alone. This move has taught me independence and that I can do “me” all by myself…with Lukas 5 minutes down the street LOL! I miss my Nana in the mornings because we would watch Live with Kelly, eat breakfast, and get ready for the day but I love that waking up in MY home, with just me myself and I, is the new norm.
Something on a lighter note – I finally got a couch, coffee table, and kitchen table! Adulting hard over here!!! It is SO expensive to completely furnish a living space on your own so I’ve had to slowly buy larger pieces here and there! I got this kitchen table and I’m on the hunt for chairs! Those will have to be my next purchase when we get back from Italy!
As always, thank you for stopping in!